Every Which Way (Sloan Brothers Series Book 1) Page 16

  Severine stared at the stubble across his chin and nodded. “Tell me.”

  “I studied, I sat around, and I thought about you.” He moved closer, into her space. Severine let his arms wrap around her. “I’ve been a fucking dick. I know that. But I don’t want what I’ve said to push you further from me.”

  The urge to kiss him, to seal away all the regrets, took over her mind. Severine sealed her lips firmly over his and hugged him as tight as she could.

  Severine believed his words. This was Macsen. The person she thought she might be falling in love with.

  “I wanna know how your break went.” Macsen linked his fingers together with Severine’s. “Let’s get out of here and just have some coffee.”

  His grin was relaxed and happy, but Severine picked up on the hidden truth even if he couldn’t.

  Her chest ached with questions. A secret was wedged in between the two of them.

  Macsen angled his body close. He bent his head lower so their faces were inches away. “Maybe me and you together is too much.”

  They stared at each other for what seemed like hours, until Macsen swallowed loudly. “But I think that maybe...maybe together, we could blow everything else away.”

  Severine did the one thing that really made sense. She grabbed Macsen’s head and kissed him to show that she still needed him. No matter how fucked up everything was with his brother.

  Immediately, her mouth opened up to him. Severine was aware of every action, every touch. She heard her own moan, she felt Macsen’s arms wrap around her waist tightly before he pulled away.

  “Severine,” Macsen mumbled her name into her hair. “Are you still doubtful of anything else?”

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Everything was bare: the ground, the trees, everything. They were officially in winter.

  School had started back up a week ago.

  The one thing she required was back. Slowly, the tension with Macsen dissolved. He’d tell her everything she wanted to hear, and she’d believe every word. She didn’t want to take what they were working on and fracture it all.

  Severine stabbed her fork at the salad in front of her. Lily sat across from her. A table down was Thayer. It never failed—he was never a great distance away from her. Only now, there was a separation between them that Severine made sure was never breached.

  “I’m thinking we need to do something fun,” Lily declared. She swirled her fry in ketchup and stabbed it in Severine’s direction. “Let’s go see an incredibly stupid movie and make fun of it the whole time.”

  Severine smiled. “I could do that.”

  “Good. Because I saw that there was-”

  Beside her, her phone rang. The screen flashed ‘Mom.’ Her mom never called her, especially during school. That feeling that formed in your gut when something was wrong festered inside Severine. She didn’t want to answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Severine.” Her mom said her name painfully. It declared more than Severine wanted to know. Her instinct was right. Something was more than wrong.

  “What’s wrong?” Severine asked slowly. Her eyes connected with Lily’s concerned gaze. Her hand reached out, and Lily squeezed tightly.

  “Honey, I’m sorry. Grandma passed away this morning.”

  Everyone knows that at one point death will strike in his or her life. Some are struck by it more than once. This was Severine’s first time colliding with something so black. Her heart ached. “What?”

  She doubted her mom. Doubted that she was telling the truth. Severine stared away from Lily’s gaze. Thayer paused eating. His eyes bore into hers with questions.

  Severine pulled her head down and rested her forehead against her palm. Her eyes were pooling with tears. She wasn’t going to break down with everyone around her. It felt wrong for people she barely knew to see her pain.

  She grabbed her bag and hurried to the exit as her mom kept speaking. “It happened this morning. Her nurse went to check up on her, as usual, and she had already....”

  “From what?” Severine asked sadly.

  “They think it was a heart attack, Severine,” her mom replied gently.

  Her mind was reeling, but she knew one thing. There was no way she was staying here. Severine took a shuddering breath. “I’ll be home tonight.”

  “Are you sure?” her mom asked brokenly.

  “I’m not staying here. I’ll be home tonight,” Severine repeated.

  “I love you, Severine.”

  “Love you, too.” Severine put her phone away and tucked her hands into her shirt.

  A coat was placed around her shoulders. Lily came up beside her and smiled sadly. “Is everything okay?”

  “My grandma died,” Severine whispered.

  “Severine, I’m so sorry.” Lily wrapped an arm around Severine. “I know how close you were to her.”

  Severine nodded, trying to absorb her friend’s warmth and strength. Lily continued, “Are you going back home?”

  “I’m leaving immediately.”

  Lily nodded her head without any questions. “Do you need anything?”

  “Ah no, I’m good.” That phrase seemed like the worst thing to say. She wasn’t okay. Severine now understood what pain to the heart really felt like. Problems with Macsen, stress of school, none of that mattered. She had lost someone who had been there her whole life.

  Sometimes, she still felt like a young child of eight. She’d spend the summer break with her grandma and grandpa on their farm. The whole day was spent outside riding bikes from her mom’s childhood and playing dress up with her grandma’s heels.

  Later on, when the sun was setting, they’d pick tomatoes. She’d help her grandma find the best ones. To her grandma, every one she picked out was the best. They’d gather them all, wash them off and sit at the kitchen table to talk. Her grandma would cut them apart and always share her half. She’d convince Severine to sprinkle salt on her half, telling her that it made it taste better.

  She was right.

  Severine discovered as she grew up, that Grandma was right about so much.

  Those moments seemed small and probably little to most. When those memories were written down, when they created pages upon pages, it started to define part of Severine and who she was.

  It became so much more than a simple loss.

  Lily accepted Severine’s short answer and stepped away. “Call me later, my friend.”

  Severine smiled sadly. “I will.”

  The wind was bitter against Severine’s tear-stained cheeks. She slipped the coat on and stared down at her shadow on the ground. She felt alone. No one would be accepted into her tiny world right now.

  A tall shadow took residence beside hers. Severine stared hard at the shoulders on the ground. Her tears trailed down her cheeks and dropped, landing on her jacket. Thayer stood tall beside her. He was alive and breathing.

  She wanted to walk back inside and worry about things that were never really that important to begin with. Her feelings weighed her down. She wanted to collapse to the ground. Severine wasn’t ready to accept this news.

  Thayer held his hand out between them. Severine stared at the shadow his hand made on the ground. She followed the path her own hand made as it gripped Thayer’s warmth. His lips were set in a firm line as he stood close to her, blocking her from the view of the doors and the wind. She felt protected from everything. Severine wanted to stay there, close to him.

  “I heard you talk to Lily.” His voice was gruff as he spoke. “I’m really sorry, Severine.”

  His words were spoken carefully. It made the progression of her tears speed up. She was done watching his shadow and turned into him. Severine looked at him fully. His face demanded that she didn’t hide her pain.

  Thayer reached out to wipe one of her tears away. His touch felt supportive, and she stopped herself from leaning into his hands. On a rush, he pushed her to his chest. Severine crashed into him gratefully. His arms were solidly wrapped around her
as she cried.

  The one person in the world she never thought to console her was now holding her, trying to take away her pain. When she stopped, she looked up. His face wasn’t too far from her.

  His mouth quirked up in a sad smile, “I can get Macsen for you, if you want.”

  It seemed like the right thing to do. Severine nodded and leaned into Thayer.

  His arm wrapped around her shoulders as they walked across campus toward Macsen. “Lily said you were close?”

  Severine let go of a shaky sigh. “I’ve always been close to her. Mom and I spent a lot of time with her and Grandpa. She was always a part of my life.”

  “I enjoyed my grandpa,” Thayer disclosed.

  “Yeah?” Severine asked. He was trying. His efforts caused her heart to become pliable.

  He looked down at her and smirked. “Yeah. He was tall and huge. But he was a complete softie around kids. I would always ride with him in the combine.”

  “He farmed?” Severine asked.

  “Blake, I grew up in Missouri. What else did you think he did?”

  Severine smiled as they made their way closer to Macsen’s class.

  “How long has he been gone?”

  His arm tightened around her. “About eight years.”

  “Oh.”

  “I’m not trying to depress you. All I’m trying to say to you is that I know you’re sad. But you’ll be okay, Severine.” He shifted closer. Severine could see her reflection in his eyes. “Everything will be okay.”

  “Thank you, Thayer,” Severine whispered. He nodded into her hair and inhaled deeply. If Severine let him, he’d probably hold her forever. Gradually, Thayer was making it impossible to stay away.

  He moved away and wiped away the wetness from her cheeks. “I’m gonna leave you with Mac... you’re good, right?”

  “I’m good,” Severine repeated back.

  When he walked away, Severine wanted to follow after him. He made her feel better; he made her forget.

  Severine made her way into the brick building in front of her and easily found Macsen. He sat in the front, as usual. It didn’t take long to capture his attention. He glanced at her once and did a double take. She motioned for him to come out, and he briskly nodded his head.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “I gotta go home for a few days.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “My grandma died. I have to be with my mom.”

  “Sev, I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do.” He pulled her into a hug.

  There was nothing he really could do.

  His body shifted back. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

  “You’re going back into class?”

  “Do you want me to go back with you to your dorm?”

  “No.” Severine backed away slowly. “I’ll see you soon. All right?”

  “Severine!” Macsen called out her name. Severine looked behind her shoulder. “I’m sorry about all of this. I’m sorry.”

  Severine had to wonder if he was sorry for reasons entirely different from her grandma.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Cloudy days should be meant for funerals. Who wants a sunny sky when you’ve lost a loved one?

  Behind them was her grandma’s resting place, in front of her was the limo. Severine held her mom and Aunt Rachel’s hands tightly.

  She’s in a better place. That phrase had been said to them more times than she could count. It was a small merit; no one really knew what to say to convey their condolences, but it wouldn’t ease the pain.

  Her dress brushed against her knees as she slid in after her mom.

  When the car started moving, her mom took a deep breath. “I wonder if we could skip the potluck.”

  Severine assessed Clacy as she stared up at the roof. Bags that were never there before were now underneath her eyes. It made Severine nervous to go back to school. Her Aunt Rachel reached out and held Clacy’s hand. If her mom didn’t have Severine, she had Aunt Rachel. She’d be okay.

  “It will only be for a few hours,” Severine offered weakly.

  “I just want to spend some time with you before you leave.”

  Severine nodded in agreement, “But I’ll be back for Christmas break.”

  “I know, baby,” her mom said thoughtfully and stared at Severine.

  “What?” Severine asked self-consciously.

  “How are you and Macsen?”

  Severine kept her face neutral. “We’re good.”

  “Severine, don’t lie,” her mom said sternly.

  “Mom, I can’t give you much. We’re still a fairly new couple.”

  “I know. That’s why I am asking. You seemed down and anxious during Thanksgiving.”

  Severine gave her a helpless shrug when all she wanted to do was cry. That’s all she seemed to be doing lately.

  “Let’s just talk about something else,” her aunt announced.

  “I just want my daughter to be happy.” Her mom’s chin was held high. “The new relationship phase is never supposed to end this quickly.”

  Severine didn’t know. She couldn’t nod in understanding. All she wanted to know was what exactly went wrong.

  * * * * *

  Severine was still in her dress from earlier. People had slowly filtered out of her house until it was just Rachel, her mom and her. The silence in the house drove her crazy. In the dining room a grandfather clock ticked back and forth. If she heard the noise one more time, she was going to go insane.

  Her foot pushed against the floor of the porch and the swing gained more momentum. Outside, the peace was a given. It wasn’t unexpected or strange. The minute she sat down on the porch swing and stared around at the dark night, Severine felt more at peace.

  This was her home. And no matter how many times she’d wanted to escape this place, it still held memories for her. She turned her head and glanced across the street. It was the same elementary school she had attended. Across from the clean building, there were three lines of houses all taken care of; all picture perfect. Life went on around her. People slept in their beds. Maybe a few were leaving work, going out for the night—they’d be smiling and happy with their friends. As they talked about what the night held, Severine wondered how people could move forward from a death.

  It scared her—terrified her—to know that a person that held so much significance in her life was gone in a blink. Her grandma deserved more than a second.

  “How you doing, kid?” Her Aunt Rachel stepped out onto the porch and slipped her arms into her black wool coat. She leaned her body against the porch railing and crossed her legs at the ankles. She was still dressed in her funeral clothes. But with Rachel, it looked normal. Dresses and heels were something she could pull off.

  Severine leaned her head against the swing and sighed. “Well, I’m home...but only for a funeral. I’ve had better days.”

  Rachel nodded and buried her hands in her coat. “When are you going back to campus?”

  “I’ll probably leave in a few days.” Severine glanced at the window next to her. A lamp was lit, but with the shades drawn, it was impossible for the world to see inside. “When are you leaving?”

  “In a week.” The happy, upbeat aunt that she was used to was gone. Rachel looked worn and tired. Everyone was after today. “I think I’m gonna stay and be here for your mom. You don’t have to worry about her.”

  “What is she doing anyway?”

  “I think she’s curled up with a bottle of wine and sobbing to Steel Magnolias.”

  Severine groaned and pushed off her black headband. Behind her ears, the skin throbbed from the pressure. It was inevitable that she was going to get a headache, and with her mom drinking, that meant they were in for a long night. “Why is she watching that?”

  “Your dad called, and he’s coming through town tomorrow.”

  Severine sat up straighter and froze at the mention of her dad. She wasn’t used to the word. It felt foreign to her, like a word
from a different language. “Why?”

  Rachel rubbed her face and sighed. “He heard about the death in our family.”

  “You just told me not to worry about her.”

  “And you won’t. Your mom can take care of herself. It’s Christian I’m worried for.”

  Her feet landed on the ground, and Severine stared at Rachel. “You know what’s weird? I’m more used to his name than him actually being called Dad.”

  The look in Rachel’s eyes was sympathetic and heartbreaking. “Look, I know he’s never been around. Every kid deserves to have both parents in their life. But sometimes it doesn’t work out that way...I’m convinced that bad things happen early on in life to prepare us for the real world. It’s harsh out there,” her voice raised in conviction. Rachel slammed her mouth shut and cleared her throat before continuing. “People won’t care about your life story. We’re all trying to survive out there. But I know that if anyone could survive, it’s you. After all, you were raised by a freakishly strong woman.”

  Severine nodded, knowing that her aunt was right. Strength was embedded in her blood. It was all she had seen growing up. But if her mom had one weakness, it was her dad. Severine could count the amount of times Christian had visited them here in this small town. But when he did, it was always a short visit. It always left her mom quiet and with bloodshot eyes.

  “Why visit now?” Severine asked. Rachel looked at her blankly. “I haven’t seen the guy in probably two years,” she explained. “And he wants to have a quick visit?”

  “It’ll be short...you know your dad.”

  “Not really,” Severine replied quietly.

  Rachel moved away from the railing and sat next to Severine. The swing creaked slightly as Rachel moved her legs. “If he wants to stop by and give his condolences, then let him. He’ll leave, and we can all go on with our lives.”

  “But can Mom?”

  Rachel raised a brow. She asserted her words strongly. “Of course she can!”

  Severine didn’t mean it to be bad. Her mom was incredibly strong. Growing up, each chance her mom got, she tried to remind Severine to only rely on herself. And part of the reason was because of her dad and what he did to her mom. “I don’t think I can be like that,” Severine admitted.